Wordless
by Vilian
Summary: Sometimes, you just don't need any words to express how you feel. Or: a mission that seemingly leads to irreparable loss turns out to have rather interestingly happy outcome, involving a pendant and a ring.
1. Jyn

_**A/N1:** Yeah, the blood and the angst again - boring, I know, but I just can't stop. I'm just broken like that._

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Gut feeling was telling Jyn that something was very wrong with the ruined town Rogue One was heading to. She felt like she should back off in an instant, and the team should too, but she didn't want to voice her concerns - not without hard evidence. On an assignment she shouldn't be emotional over her team-mates, no matter if they were actually her _loved ones_ ; irrational fear of losing them shouldn't cloud her judgement. And yet, the all-too-familiar prickling on the back of her neck should've meant something, should be a warning. Jyn simply chose to ignore it for the sake of _logic_. And she was so very wrong to do so, now she knows it. If you care for someone, logic shouldn't stop you from protecting that person. It certainly didn't stop Cassian, the one whose decisions were usually based on cool logic - and it killed him, and now she wants to die too.

It was an ambush, simple as that. Somebody was waiting for them, an armed group of aggressors. Current part of the town being too open didn't provide much cover and they had no chance to encircle the unknown number of hidden attackers. The team had to run away as fast as they could, towards the nearest crumbling buildings, obviously in opposite direction than the blaster shots were coming from. Unfortunately the shots were soon - _too soon_ \- followed by homemade explosives. It's hard to run faster than a thrown grenade flies, no matter how makeshift it might be, and Jyn was unfortunate to be caught in shockwave after a close explosion of such grenade. Her body was swiped in the air, high and far from the main fire exchange area, just to finally land face down with sickening crushing sound on a pile of several bricks. Most of the sound turned out to be the noise of her kyber pendant shattering into pieces, and while it was a loss that would truly hurt later, more important was to get herself together and let the team know that she's alright. Except that she _wasn't_ alright; she couldn't see much further than the rubble she was sprawled on, wasn't able to utter a single word or, worst of all, to move at all. Painful breathing and blood bubbles forming at her lips told her things weren't good with her lungs, probably punctured by broken ribs, and lack of feeling in limbs could be either simply shock from the impact, or a spinal cord damage. Jyn wished it could be just a case of shock, because under those circumstances there would be no chance for anyone to come back for her. Not that they should: family or not, it was a military operation after all and fallen mates were just unnecessarily slowing things down. Even Cassian _shouldn't, couldn't_ come back for her and it was a heart-wrenching thought that she won't ever see or touch him again. It was over now; they were never saying anything important before their assignments, nothing in case of a mission being a tragic one. They were always sharing a moment of closeness - a kiss, a hug, or just a deep look in each other's eyes - but nothing in case of a possible _final goodbye_. And it was already past time of their final goodbye, since she was bleeding out to death on a dusty battlefield.

The sound of hurried footsteps turned up within earshot, closer than the distant fire exchange, and Jyn braced herself for the upcoming blaster hit putting her out of the misery. The shot wasn't coming though, nor was any other kind of attack, because it wasn't a foe closing in. Instead, it was more than just a friend, it was Cassian, _coming back_ for her like he _always_ did. There was rare but unmistakable look of panic in his eyes, yet his face features were calm as he knelt beside her to assess her injuries. What a _kriffingly stubborn man_ , she thought and tried to tell him to run, to take care of himself while it'd be still possible - but he just shook his head, already knowing what she'd say if she could form words instead of a coarse rale. Of course he knew, he'd try to say the same thing if the situation was reversed, Jyn realized. Still, they both were in grave danger, and while she considered herself half-dead anyway, Cassian could just walk away unscathed - if he'd back off immediately. But he didn't, both a blessing and a curse to have someone as committed nearby; a blessing and a curse to be the one so committed, curse the more if it gets you shot. Because a shot came, and Cassian just got hit somewhere in his upper chest; rain of blood drops obscuring Jyn's already poor vision even before he collapsed like a broken toy, straight on her immobile body. In sudden silence she lightly felt his form against hers, his arms spread around her, but it wasn't the kind of embrace she loved so much. It was unnatural, too still, no actual pressure of said arms - _or maybe she couldn't feel it?_ \- and no calm, assuring breaths - though maybe Jyn _just couldn't feel those either?_ She feebly tried to crawl from under him, to see with her own eyes how bad things were, but she wasn't able to. Without sensation in own arms and legs Jyn was completely helpless and painfully aware of being useless - to Cassian, to the team, even to herself. Strange, barely audible sound reached Jyn's ears and it was yet another foul surprise: instead of saving her laborious breaths, she was weeping. Her tears got mixed with brick dust, kyber shards, her own blood and Cassian's blood; quite an _appropriate summary_ of their shattered lives, Jyn thought. It seemed like an _appropriate final goodbye_ too; and with that idea Jyn gave up on keeping her eyes open, on hanging on to consciousness - life energy leaving her body seemingly for good.

When Jyn wakes up, she finds it hard, yet possible, to breathe and is able to see, though can barely keep her swollen eyelids open. She's apparently alive, in medbay at the base, her whole body stiffly wrapped in bandages, entangled with various tubes and wires, surrounded by humming and beeping machinery. She faces concerned medical staff and notices the whole organic Rogue One team - her _family_ \- hovering nearby, looking sick with worry. _Almost whole_ , because there is no Cassian with them, and she quickly realizes why, _remembers why_ , and her physical pain is nothing when compared to the emotional one that tears her apart. Her broken frame cannot contain the anguish anymore and she starts to wordlessly scream on top of her aching lungs; she shrieks louder than any wounded animal in agony ever might, almost lifting herself up from the bed. There's a look of sheer horror in the eyes of people around, then there's a needle sinking in her arm and darkness covers Jyn together with silence, ending her poignant outburst as abruptly as it started.

It's a nice, soothing feeling, the floating. When Jyn comes to her senses again, she realizes she's been put in bacta tank. The liquid keeps her in upright position but she is able to slightly move the limbs on her own. With her strained sight she can recognize silhouettes of her friends behind the transparent wall. It takes her a while to focus at features of each and every of them, and with a jolt she discovers familiar face of someone she shouldn't ever see anymore, that it's Cassian she can see on the other side of the tank as well. Is he a ghost then? Or is her brain so damaged that she is seeing things? Either way, she decides it's enough; she doesn't want people to waste anything more on her. No more bacta or other medical resources, no more attention, no more _pity_ she will surely receive soon. The Rogue One will carry on without her, she's certain of that, just like she's sure that she won't be able to carry on without Cassian. Especially not like that, with his specter haunting her. She simply wants to go away, _to die_ then and there, because there are no more reasons for her to live. Jyn blindly claws around, trying to take a hold of something, anything, and she finally manages to yank the mask off her face when 2-1B unit comes and releases sedative into the tank. She slowly swims back into nothingness, thinking that if droid does that _for her own good_ , then it has no idea what it actually means - that the death is what would be good, _the best_ for her now.

Another wake-up in medbay. No-one was merciful enough to let her die, Jyn thinks with sadness, finding herself once more tightly bandaged, almost no bare skin left just like previously. Although with much less machinery around than before, she's still extremely weak and in much pain, of which the physical one is easier to bear. This time there's not a single person of medical staff close by, nor are there her friends, so she is in _relative_ peace. Jyn tries to draw some consolation from the silence, tries to push away the memory of Cassian's limp body falling on her own, the dead weight of her most important person - a friend and a beloved - on her; but she can't. It'd be so much easier _if not_ for this amazingly sharp vision of him approaching her bed, like if he was real, not just a figment of her imagination; _if not_ for her guilty conscience showing her what she lost and can never get back. If she could, she'd run away, but all she's able to do is to push herself a little deeper into the bed and stare, waiting.

The ghost figure seems to be quite substantial, as the bed creaks when it - he - sits on its very edge; and quite realistic, with bandages peeking from under the shirt, the jacket smelling of their ship and such a tired, sad face she knows so well. The confusion is clearly visible in Jyn's eyes, confusion mixed with fear, when the specter looks into her eyes and hovers his hand to cup her cheek. The touch of hand is so real, so wonderfully soft, and she leans into it before even becoming aware of what this actually means. No matter how it looked like to her, Cassian survived the mission, and in much better shape than she did; now he's there beside her, warm and real. He's _alive_ and that's enough for her to want to live again. She'd say something if she had the strength to do so, but she can only smile - and apparently for Cassian it's also enough, because suddenly his eyes shine with joy and face softens, all the tension disappearing in seconds. Still keeping his eyes fixed firmly on her face he fiddles with his jacket and pulls out something from an inner pocket. What he shows her, makes Jyn painfully gasp for air with shock. It's her pendant, very same and yet different.

The crystal was scrupulously gathered from the place it got shattered at, cleaned up from blood and dust, and put together into its original shape with netting of silvery hair-thin wire. She can't imagine who - or what - could have such skills, but it's not something she's interested in for too long. More important to her is that Cassian somewhere after getting back for her and being injured himself was still able to notice thing as irrelevant as her crushed pendant; not only that, but knowing how very _not irrelevant_ it actually is to her, he risked Force knows how much to gather up the pieces. On top of it all he found a way to recreate the crystal, and Jyn feels like if she was reconstructed anew with both Cassian's presence and this gift of his. Apparently it's not the end of surprises he has for her though, as he very gently lowers the pendant on the part of surgical dressing covering her chest and digs in his pockets again, just to take out something smaller.

A familiar sparkle catches Jyn's eye and she gasps again; on Cassian's outstretched palm lies another piece of jewelry, a simple silvery ring with tiny shining shard of kyber embedded into it. The understanding slowly dawns on her; it's a piece of her pendant that adorns the ring, and there is a silent question accompanying the ring as well. Cassian still looks straight into her eyes, but with something like apprehension instead of joy. Jyn's whole body hurts, yet she can't look at him awaiting in distress like that, so forces herself to reach out to him. Slowly, tenderly, Cassian takes her bruised palm into his and almost reverently puts the ring on her pinky, the only completely undamaged finger of that hand. The view is absurd but endearing all the same and Jyn just can't take the strain anymore; she starts to both shed tears and giggle. Her eyes burn and ribs ache, but she doesn't care, she just _has to_ let the emotions flow freely. And apparently it's not just Jyn who does that; in a short pause for breathing she registers Cassian's body shaking with sobs too, even though he tries to smile widely. She recognizes the reason behind their sudden hysteria; their minds are so unaccustomed to happiness that they just don't handle it properly. Jyn then uses all her strength to calm down and squeeze Cassian's hand, to let her _fiancé_ know that she's with him; that nothing stands on their way to be happy - she's still alive, he's alive, they _have_ each other, they _want_ each other until nothing less than death do them apart. Because sometimes, just sometimes you can express yourself wordlessly; you can describe your most complicated feelings in voiceless ways and still be understood, just like Jyn understands now that no big words are necessary when it comes to her and Cassian and what they have together. They can always communicate on many different levels, they can always understand each other and it's a bigger thing than any word ever may be, the ring being just a quiet reminder of the utter devotion they share.

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 ** _A/N2:_**

 _2017 Oct 5th: It all started with two separate ideas - shattered kyber crystal and Jyn struggling in bacta tank - and everything else was built upon that. It was spinning around in my head for way too long, so decided to write it down anyway, no matter how bad it turned out. I'd upload it sooner, but after my not-so-happy b-day things were rather difficult, still are._

 _2018 Mar 16th: Cassian's POV added in March; first half of it, because due to change of workplace and a whole lot of learning required to keep the job I just have no energy to write._

 _2018 Apr 18th: second and final part of Cassian's POV added. And a silly epilogue too, to lighten things up._

 _As for the weirdo epilogue, this tiny scene came to me somewhere during writing down final lines of Chapter 3 and couldn't get rid of it from my brain. Decided to share the persistant thing, probably as a poor proof I do have a sense of humour. After all, my fic writing has started almost exactly a year ago (first chapter of_ The way to fix it _was published on April 9th 2017), and started with my most gruesome, darkest and heaviest fic up to date. I'm not always THAT depressed and am trying hard to prove it :P_

 _If you're curious about my non-fanfiction ventures, please drop by DeviantArt, I'm VilDeviant over there :)_


	2. Cassian (part 1)

_**A/N:**_ _It wasn't supposed to happen, but I'm writing down alternate POV for this story after all. It does explain some things left out from Chapter 1 - but then probably makes a worse read, it's lenghty with lots of overthinking. That's why I had to split it in two, both to make it easier on readers and on me :P Still, hope you enjoy._

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A hunch; gut feeling; intuition; swirling of the Force; it might've been called many names, just not solid data to rely on. That's why they acted as usual, with the same high caution as usual. There is a saying that routine kills, and this time it almost had proven true - their routine alertness was high, but not high enough. It had almost wiped out whole Rogue One: if not directly by injuries, then by emotions accompanying the loss of loved ones. Somehow all of them, five organic beings and a droid, became friends and a family, caring for each other, loving each other, like blood-related families do. And yet, this assignment could end it all.

Like an avalanche, things started going awry very quickly and with something almost common these days: shootout with a group of unexpected opponents. Even though cursing the bad intel under his breath, Cassian was still calm about everything: the mission objectives, the team, their survival. With Bodhi and Kay on the ship, Jyn and Guardians at his and each other's back, nothing could go much worse, he thought. Unfortunately, apart of blasters, the fire exchange quickly involved homemade grenades too. Running towards ruined buildings, towards relative safety, narrowly avoiding harm, they almost made it for cover, when suddenly Jyn got caught in a shockwave of the closest explosion. Was the explosion any stronger, she'd die shred to pieces, but as things were, her body was pushed away from the group and smashed onto the ground with horrible sound, deafening even among the firefight noises. With Jyn laying silent and very still on a pile of omnipresent rubble, Cassian's composure had disappeared without a trace, like if it had never been there. Had he just failed Jyn by letting her suffer injuries, had he just failed his friends and brothers in arms by making them loose a family member on his guard? Responsibility for the rest of team or for the success of the mission wasn't an issue anymore, and Cassian broke into a run; the only thing that mattered now was Jyn and her life. Her life was his life, he wouldn't be able to survive without her anymore. Going back to not loving, not caring, would kill him just as surely as a blaster shot between the eyes; that's what would happen for sure if he'd lost her.

It seemed to Cassian like reaching Jyn took him ages; in reality, it was less than several seconds, too short even for the dust to settle down around her sprawled silhouette. He almost collapsed with relief seeing that although obviously with much strain, she still could breathe and that she was still conscious, even though apparently unable to move or speak. She was staring intently at him, like if surprised that he came back for her; like if he wasn't supposed to be beside her. He instantly understood what she meant - strictly speaking, he was just violating Force only knows how many military restrictions, rules and direct orders by leaving part of the team on their own without a word, just to try and rescue a possibly dead lover. And yet, that was exactly what he instantly found the most important: saving the person that was a part of himself more than he could ever admit. That's why kneeling down to inspect Jyn's condition he shook his head at her: because being in his position, she'd return to him as well, no matter how much he'd resist such an idea. The problem was, his careless stay in the open had exposed him, making them both an easy target. Cassian briefly thought that as dead he'd be of no help to Jyn, but before he could do anything, he felt sharp pain on the side of neck and saw a spray of his own blood covering them both. Falling helplessly over Jyn's sprawled body, he caught the sight of her widely open eyes framed by blood-covered skin and bright sparkles like those of stardust - and then a black shroud came over everything.

Next thing Cassian remembers is the medbay at the base. The lights are too bright and the smells are too strong, but at least he knows he's alive. Familiar sight of K-2's hovering figure is soothing on his nerves, and he doesn't feel like getting up from the bed before acknowledging state of his body. That is, until memory of the explosion and Jyn's limp body switches his mind into panic mode. Kay with lightning fast reflexes saves his friend from falling hard on the floor. Pushing the man gently back to the mattress, droid patiently explains that they all made it back more or less safely to the base; that Jyn undergoes a surgery now, the team keeping guard at the OR door; and that there 18.9% chance she'll make it through. On the other hand, there's a 93.7% chance for a full recovery on Cassian's side of things, but only if he won't try to fight and stays in bed until bacta patches fully mend his stitched artery, nicked by a wall shrapnel from otherwise wide shot. The relief that everyone's alive, that Jyn is still alive, makes Cassian sag into the bed, but the guilty consciousnesses slowly renders him deaf to Kay's further talking. He couldn't care less for the mission objective, albeit fulfilled with K-2's tremendous help; he's already deep in his thoughts trying to figure out what had happened, why it had happened. The recollection of recent events is overlaid with memory of Jyn's green eyes contrasting with dark red blood all around, and focusing on anything else is too hard and too exhausting. Barely conscious due to heavy blood loss anyway, Cassian quickly falls into blessingly dreamless sleep.

In his violent life, Cassian had heard plenty of screams, of all volumes and sorts: some quieter, some louder, screams of pain, fury, agony. None had been as blood-curdling as the one that wakes him up now though. Echoing through medbay corridors, drum-piercing howl contains so much pure fear and anguish it doesn't even seem to come from anything else than a dying animal. And yet, Cassian instantly recognizes the voice, he just knows it's Jyn who's screaming. All his instincts tell him to go to her now, to take care of whatever is causing her such a great distress. There's no Kay around, no-one else to stop him, so he scrambles up from bed, rips IV cords, and just runs bare-chested and bare-footed in blind search of the sound source. He runs in search of his - girlfriend? lover? soul mate? the most important person in his life? And why for Force's sake does he care for names or definitions right in this moment?

When he finally reaches the right room, silence already takes place of the horrid cry. Jyn was suffering too much, her mind and body too strained to keep her conscious so sedatives were the best solution, the doctor says. Witnessing her outburst had to be a terrifying experience, judging by pale faces of Rogue One members and medical staff, especially when even hearing it from a distance was painful. However, in this very moment what's most painful to Cassian is the look of the person in bed. Usually full of rattling energy even when not in actual move, Jyn is now unnaturally still. Because of that seems so small she's barely visible beneath the wires and tubes. She's almost completely wrapped with bandages and various types of medical dressings, the skin that rarely shows from underneath is either dark, in bruises and scratches, or so pale that doesn't even look like belonging to a living person. The sight knocks the wind out of Cassian's lungs, he immediately loses his momentum and sinks down to his knees exactly where he stands. Yes, Jyn is alive and that's already a lot, but will she ever get out of this? Will they ever talk? May he ever get a chance to explain her what she means to him? They never discussed their connection, their relationship, the desire and all the things apart of it. Instead, they preferred to be just right where needed, always within reach, be it in bed, in mess hall, in the battlefield or anywhere else. Was it a mistake they never wanted to use overblown words before running into their physical or mental battles, but were just sharing assuring embraces or kisses instead? What if they have already missed their chance because of his stupidity and she never wakes up to learn the important truth? Cassian feels completely and utterly useless, weak and vulnerable like never before, not in past twenty years or so.

Warm hand on his shoulder drags him back to reality from the depths of hopelessness. It's not like he's ready to face his family that he has failed so horribly, but surrounded by them he has no choice. The hand belongs to Chirrut, and his blind eyes reflect Cassian exactly as he sees himself, as a puny man drowning in guilt. The monk's face bears no such expression though, nor do faces of Baze and Bodhi. The three men look genuinely worried about both of their friends, no judgement attached, and Cassian feels a tiniest spark of hope embarking in his chest. Maybe not all is lost yet? That thought gives him strength to get up from the floor, but before he decides on the course of action, the spark dies because of what Chirrut handles him. Tiny bundle, scrap of fabric that used to be a part of red sash, reveals a handful of sparkling shards. The recognition hits Cassian with pain and shock, because it feels like shattered kyber pendant symbolizes Jyn's life: what was pure and strong once, now is a crumbled mess, covered with dust and blood. Never being a superstitious person, he takes this as a very bad omen, a gruesome prediction of Jyn's and his own future. He's so detached from reality that easily gets ushered back towards his own medbay room by Kay, who this time - strangely - does not comment on Cassian's shaky legs or bluish complexion, nor does say a single word on the odds of anything. Instead, the droid takes guard in front of the room, keeping all the visitors, even including medical staff, away from his friend. In a tiny corner of his mind Cassian is thankful for that, he does need all the time alone he can get, because even the slightest noise brings back Jyn's inhuman screams back to his mind, again and again and again...


	3. Cassian (part 2)

_**A/N:** And so, finally got this to a successful end. Hope you enjoyed this lenghty angsty journey (just don't forget there's an epilogue to read too)_

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Cassian is restless. Technically healthy but still on medical leave, he refuses to get out of the medbay. He's spending the time pacing up and down the corridor outside Jyn's room, stalking medical staff for every single bit of info they may share, be it willingly or forced to. To calm him down, to assure whole team that Jyn's therapy is progressing, it seemed to doctors like a good idea to let all those people keep the patient company during her first bacta tank immersion. She wouldn't see them, but Chirrut is sure Jyn would be able to feel them through the Force. True or not, at this stage it's the least they can do, so they're standing in front of the tank with hearts sinking at the look. Woman suspended in thick liquid is very badly bruised and covered in fresh scars. The wide halo of hair and tubes above her head looks like a bunch of deadly tentacles sucking up remnants of life from the fragile, damaged body. The view is quite disheartening in itself, but things are getting worse when unexpectedly Jyn regains consciousness while still in the tank. Apparently she's able to move around a bit on her own, which is optimistic - but then she slowly takes in her surroundings and something she sees unnerves her enough to try and remove the mask from face. Med droid reacts fast enough to prevent her from inflicting any more harm on herself, but Jyn's actions and the resigned look in her eyes already did harm to Cassian more than anything else of recent events. He finally decides to get out of medbay, extremely tired and void of hope.

Dragged to the mess by the Guardians, Cassian is mechanically stuffing tasteless mush into his mouth. It's not like he's hungry - he is not - but this couldn't be avoided, friends are taking care of him whether he wants it or not. He quietly gives in to their efforts. There's nothing they can do for Jyn directly, but they can help Cassian in making through the waiting in one piece, before he falls apart or does something stupid. All four, Kay included, seem to be pretty devoted to this task, so Cassian is never alone. He is already well used to their presence and has learnt to appreciate it. Letting all of them in was a slow process he wasn't even aware of, until one day he had to travel without their company - and discovered he was actually missing silly banter from the meal time in the mess, or steady support during and between assignments. He was missing friends, that's exactly how he could call them now; assets at first, then brothers in arms, and friends - or true brothers - finally. Kay was first to claim part of his heart, Jyn has taken a huge chunk by storm, but the guys slowly, mysteriously were becoming important too. Now he can't imagine not having them all close by. Even if sometimes they are noisy or troublesome, he wouldn't want it any other way. And so, he's silently taking consolation in their presence.

Traveling down memory lane can be pretty absorbing, so it takes time for Cassian to focus properly on what suddenly appears in front of his eyes. Bodhi shoves datapad right in his face with suspiciously triumphant smile; the more suspicious that the pilot didn't smile even once since their return from unfortunate assignment. Displayed on the datapad is an ad for some kind of jewellery workshop, and benumbed Cassian doesn't know what to make of it. But prior to any questions, Bodhi explains hurriedly that it's a place offering repair services to even most complicated cases of broken jewelry. One of his classmates in Academy had an old family engagement ring destroyed on a drunk venture, and only such a miraculous repair had saved him and his fiancée-to-be a terrible disgrace - so, maybe Jyn's crystal could be repaired too? A deep breath, and, surprising everybody - himself mostly - Cassian traps startled Bodhi in bear hug, then snatches the datapad and runs off from mess hall. Finally with a clear purpose ahead, he concentrates entirely on the idea of returning Jyn her most precious possession. He doesn't even argue when Kay joins him aboard the ship; doesn't argue when Kay supplies full set of fake data to the flight control, something he didn't think of; doesn't argue when Kay follows him on the way to the jeweler through narrow streets of yet another Empire-ridden planet.

It is only there, in a tiny cluttered workshop, where Cassian feels like he's properly aware of the world around, like if he has just emerged from thick fog. He's once again a spy on a mission, doing everything for the cause; the cause though - being more personal than ever - requires much more impersonal attitude than ever. Failure is entirely out of question, failing Jyn once more is out of question. The solution presented by the artisan is not an ideal one: with such tiny crystal specks any amount of glue would deform the final shape, he says, so the parts need to be reconnected using finely woven net of super-thin wire. Cassian helplessly agree, hating the idea of modifying the pendant that much but not having any other way to go. Still in spy mode, he's waiting patiently for the repair outcome, watching with disinterest countless trinkets in surrounding display cases. He would wait calmly for hours, until the end of the business deal, but a simple question from the jeweler triggers a panic attack. He firmly trusts that with help of the Force Chirrut has managed to gather all the kyber shards; and yet, one is missing. Another non-ideal solution to agree upon - filling the gap with some sort of resin - makes return to relative peace of mind even harder and, unlike his usual self, Cassian starts fidgeting around his jacket. That's how he finds the missing crystal fragment: stuck in the pocket where the whole bundle used to be. It's too late now to add it to the almost completely rebuilt crystal structure, the craftsman says, and devastated Cassian stares at the shiny little thing in disbelief. How to tell Jyn that he had tried so hard and yet failed again? How to say such an important "sorry" to his best friend, partner, lover, when they rarely talk even about their relationship? What their relationship really is, anyway?

All these feelings churning in Cassian's mind are visible on his face - or maybe it's only the artisan being able to read them without effort, because in concerned voice he asks whether to put the rediscovered shard into some other jewelry piece. The initial response is negative, soon Cassian reconsiders the offer though. It'd be a logical way to keep the final kyber piece safe, Jyn could always carry it with her just like she always wears the pendant. But isn't creating another pendant a bit nonsensical? And whatever else trinket he can think of, would be laughed at by Jyn as impractical in the field. The last item he takes under consideration is a ring - which is strange, given that his visit to this place has started with a story of a ring. But, a ring? Like in a marriage proposal? Wouldn't that be weird to offer Jyn a ring? On the other hand, the ridiculous idea may be not so ridiculous after all - and Cassian suddenly finds himself warming up to it. Maybe a ring and a proposal could be the very thing needed to show her how much he cares, how much he needs her in his life, how much he wants to be with her. Because he truly wants that: for better and for worse, in sickness and in health indeed. If only she would want him too, after his recent horrible failures; but there is just one way to find out. Cassian orders a ring, earning himself a most surprised look from Kay the droid could silently muster. It's baffling to not hear any sarcastic comments from his non-organic friend, but Cassian continues the order with demand for a simple band to mount the crystal piece on, from same metallic substance the wire keeping the rest of kyber together is made of. He is easily able to provide the crafter with Jyn's ring finger size: he knows her palms as well as his own. It may have something to do with him being an incredibly observant spy, but most probably it's simply because he knows well and loves every aspect of her - even if he had never told her that, a kriffing fool.

Just as the duo reaches the ship, the comm crackles and gruff voice of Baze informs Cassian that wherever he is, he should hurry and be back at the base as soon as possible. The doctors think it's a right time to stop flooding Jyn's body with sedatives and wake her up instead, so in just a couple of hours she may be conscious again. The process of going out from the medically induced coma, being fully controlled, this time should not lead to panic attack and Cassian's presence alone should further calm her down. That may not be entirely true, Cassian suspects, but he can't ignore the news of Jyn's condition getting better. The entire way back to the base he keeps on checking the pocket where the two jewelry pieces safely lay and imagines countless means of returning all the crystal fragments, now that he knows he will be able to face their owner again. He checks the pocket for the last time at the landing pad, where he meets all the friends. Their greeting is short, as they rush him toward medbay, so he just leaves them behind and runs.

Cassian storms into medbay, hoping with all his might that waking Jyn goes smoothly, that after the trauma and the drugs she's still going to be the same person he is missing so much. He was trying to prepare a speech, some kind of explanation to the whole situation, to reasons behind her being wounded and the crystal destroyed. They were never good at spoken communication though, he's painfully aware of that, so he just believes in their shared ability to correctly fill in blanks where words are not enough. He knows he's facing a heavy task when he can finally see Jyn conscious: there is recognition in her eyes, but there's also confusion and fear. It's unbelievable she could ever be afraid of him, but it's exactly how it looks like and Cassian realizes with a pang that he has to be exceptionally careful, more like approaching a trapped animal than the trusting woman Jyn usually is to him. It seems like there had been ages since the last time he was unsure of her reactions; a painful reminder of how close and easy to read they became to each other. That's why he slows down his movements to almost a crawl, and so carefully perches on the very edge of the bed. The terrified look Jyn gives him almost breaks his heart again, but Cassian is not able to back off anymore: not when being finally close to her again. He cautiously reaches out to cup her cheek, to convince himself she's warm and alive. Luckily, she's not trying to move away. She willingly leans into his touch instead and the fear from her eyes is gone in an instant, replaced with joy. Cassian feels like the weight of the world is lifted from his shoulders and is almost blinded by the tiny and pained, but familiar and sincere smile Jyn gives him. Warmed up by her reaction, he's ready to face the consequences and decides it's now or never, there won't be a better time to hand over the pendant. He pulls it out and watches in amazement first the shock and then the happiness shining in Jyn's eyes.

Since it's not the complete crystal, it's not all he has to give her, Cassian grits his teeth and presents her the ring. He puts it in on flat palm and stretches hand towards Jyn, staring intently in her surprised face. Now it is he who is afraid, unable to make a sound, awaiting for her to make decision, to understand what he'd say if he could find the words. And she does understand: it's still Jyn, the one that always understands. With apparent effort she moves her hand and reaches unsteadily to him with gauze-wrapped, battered palm. It doesn't matter that the only finger Cassian is able to fit the ring on is her non-bandaged pinky - he softly, tenderly puts the ring on it anyway. And it might look funny to someone else, but to him it's the sweetest view in entire galaxy and it just steals Cassian's breath away. He tries to choke back the tears that suddenly are on the verge of spilling; he tries so very hard to cover the giant wave of affection with casual smile, but fails when room resonates with Jyn's hysterical giggle mixed with sobs. As always, they feel the same, there's no need to pretend or hide anything, and so the man allows his tears to flow freely. Overwhelmed with emotions, at first he doesn't notice the gentle squeeze of Jyn's hand, still cradled within his. Of course she understands, she may be weak at body but her spirit is still strong. She just gave him a clear sign: his fiancée is with him, as always. And he's with her, all the way.

In just few minutes, or maybe hours, Cassian is going to tell Jyn about their friends, how much they've done for both him and her. He's going to tell her the story of a real family they are part of. But for now, he'd rather enjoy this moment in silence, a moment of a quiet but powerful agreement between two people. The two of them are so different yet made for each other, determined to stay together until the end of their days. Words, even most sincere ones, can be misleading. This time the deeds told the whole truth, forming a silent - but stronger than many wordy ones - oath. This time even such delicate matters could be expressed voicelessly, because this is what happens when two people understand each other so well. No elaborate vocabulary is needed to add to what they already have together: a perfect union of bodies and souls, with ring as a wordless seal to it.


	4. Family

In the meantime, right under closed door to Jyn's medbay room...

"Guys, be q-quiet, I can't hear a t-thing!"

"I'm telling you, all is as the Force wills it."

"According to the data I have on marital rites, there is very high probability we all are unwanted here."

"Hmph, for once you may be right..."


End file.
